Failed Marriage to Dating Abundance (My Story)

In my happy place at the end of 2018.

The pub.

I was never great with women despite being reasonably good looking. I had been lucky at a younger age working in gyms that I got to meet women in my job. But in periods of time where I wasn't working in a gyms I once went nearly 2 years without sleeping with a girl. The bouts of inactivity and total lack of success with women were a reminders that I didn't have clue what I was doing.

Anyway, aged 27 I met the girl I married. Long story short, she was reasonably good looking and it didn't take that much for me to fall in love. What I thought was loving behaviour (doing as much as I could for a woman) was everything that would turn her off me (supplicating co-dependent behaviours). In the marriage we stopped having sex and she told me she had lost the respect and attraction for me.

I became a shell of a man. Drinking every night by myself, waiting for my wife to leave for work so I could look at porn, and my body riddled with stress injuries to lower back shoulders and knees what I believe was a direct correlation to the failure of the marriage. When my wife and I separated in February 2019, I was extremely low on confidence, I couldn't even walk past the receptionist at work without blushing, and simply believed even the idea of talking to a girl less than 7 pints deep was impossible. I remember having social anxiety at the time working in a mixed sex place of work, for fear I might have to talk to one of the girls and not know what to say.

Post separation my most painful moment of realisation came when a very cute spanish looking girl must have looked at me about 6 times on a train and I simply had no idea what to do or say to start a conversation. I really knew at that point I had to learn in short, how to talk to women otherwise I was doomed to live a life of misery.

Second Chance (sort of)

After the marriage break-up, I found a place on Spareroom.com and moved into a house in the middle of London with a bunch of cool guys. After a couple months of slowly getting back on my feet, I had my first shocking insight that would start an awakening process. It was watching my french housemate Alex who was a natural seducer bring home gorgeous girls on what seemed like every other day at times. Here was the thing, the girls and him were always sober. Alex didn't need alcohol to talk to or bring girls home.

For the first time in my life I was forced to confront two things. Firstly, it was possible to consistently meet and be intimate with girls, just by going up and talking to them, and secondly, you didn't need alcohol to do that. Or at least he didn't.

Watching Alex was an inspiration but I also partly felt like I was watching a magician do things I would never be able to do. However, he did inspire me to want more from myself in the arena of women. I didn't want to 'settle' for what women might come my way by chance, as I had done in the past. I now wanted to be assertively going after the girls I wanted. I just didn't know how.

I would be lying if I said I changed my life overnight. I did not. I carried on drinking like a fish at the weekend (I had stopped drinking every day), but I was slowly starting to take what I perceived as risks, including asking a girl out that I met at an event. She had given me a massive hint though by revealing to me she tried to find me on Facebook already. And it got to the date. I fluffed it massively. Went for the kiss, she pulled away. Said goodbye at the train station and never saw her again. It was a humbling experience with a hotter girl where I was out of my depth.

Stepping up My Game

In May 2020 of Lockdown I truly took it upon myself to start working on my ability to talk to women more consistently. By then I had almost completely stopped drinking (I remember having half a beer on my birthday because my housemates wanted me to). I watched a video of some guy called 'James Tusk' approaching some girls on the street and decided that I would be able to do this, no matter what it took.

James had a good video on his channel where he told you how you could get started by giving girls compliments. So that is what I did. I followed the advice to the letter.

It took all my courage to go up to one girl and give her a compliment, but my housemate told me she smiled. I literally complimented her and ran, but in that moment, I had crossed a threshold. What ensured in short over the next two years was approaching girls sometimes multiple times every day with varying success.

I got my first number, and again it was a massive breakthrough. I remember it well. I approached her on London Bridge in June 2020. And she replied! but I didn't manage to get her out :(

As time went on however, my luck increased (in direct correlation to the amount of action I took).

I'll spare you the details but let's say I went on a total right of passage including being with girls that I wouldn't have thought possible before. It was true that I was no longer who I felt I was before (the overweight, alcoholic, divorcee) but in fact, I could be the charismatic confident guy, when I adopted charismatic confident behaviours. It opened my mind to a new reality and life was better than ever.

Some word spread and in 2022 I was invited to be a coach alongside Jon Matrix for an approach course in Warsaw led by a coach/lawyer Alex Forrest. For the first time in my life I was coaching guys in this area and it felt like what I was born for. After a failed marriage, crippling anxiety and you name it, helping dudes was a dream come true.

Now, I offer dating coaching and more and more am passionate about helping guys get back on their feet and confident with women again.

If you want to know more about working with me or doing one of our approach courses then shoot me an email at info@divorcetodates.com